Today I found my novel. A random collection of thoughts that I had forgot I had written. For the most part I cannot even believe I wrote it. It touches on so many aspects of myself that I have merely grown out of. Expresses my thoughts and feelings so eloquently and objectively that I find it impossible to think that I have written this down. I am unable to express myself, my thoughts, feelings, dreams any more because it makes me feel embarrassed, uneducated and hopeless. I know I’ve taken elements of things I’ve written here to help bring it together but a lot of it I cannot comprehend the mindset I must have been in to compose it.
OMG that guys leg.
I literally can’t stop laughing.
Why am I laughing so hard, oh my god
(via atticrissfinch)
Jennifer Lawrence & Family → Favorite Interview Moments
(via -siriuslyblack)
Reverse Cell Block Tango (with boys instead of girls)
shhhhh just watch this
This is the best thing I’ve ever seen omg
This is absolutely fantastic. Agreed^^^^
(Source: grantgustins, via holy-gleeical-starkid)
I just want 2 days a week that I can set selfishly aside for reading.
Having to resort to things I am not completely proud of nor approve of myself doing.
Really wish I had more self control.
Pretty boys will be the death of me.
Conspiring future events prematurely against the will of participant.
Name That Puppy!
We had some friends over for a BBQ yesterday, and introduced everybody to the little puppy we’re fostering-to-adopt, and asked them to suggest potential names.
What follows is the transcription of a list that covered both sides of a piece of paper by the end of the night. Some of these are from good friends, some from kindly folk we had just met, and some, I’m pretty sure, are from random homeless people who wandered into our house looking for empty bottles and used aluminum foil.
Which will it be? Keep in mind the puppy is male and likely to end up a fairly small dog. Here we go:
Beans
Nibbler
Inspector Pancakes
Snacks
Zoidberg
Puppito
Scrappity
Columbo
Jambi
Xerxes
Pickles
Mrs. Squishels
Mr. Balls
Slavelabour
Chomsky
Crud
Beattle
Skin
Grundle
Lord Waffles
Bonkers
Douglas Fairbanks
Inspector Spacetime
Rebecca Addelman
Riggins
Moose
Josh Androsky
Perfect
Lieutenant Dan
Worthless
Shitbag Face
Coffee
Zuul
Comics Unleashed
Byron Allen
Herman Weintraub
Renley
President Barack Obama
Backstreet Boys
Charles
Count Barkula
The Darkness
Black Dog
Senator Cuddlebreath
Blackhawk
Funkadelic
Tron
Ramón
Frankie Giovanni
Will Weldon
Ding Dong
4426091
Jeffy
The Doctor
Darrell/Daryl
Spud Webb
Frodo
Gus
Luc Radu
Pittsburgh
Euroboy
Scooter
Lyle
Maynard
Motorcycle Max
Computer
Frank
Chuck
Boozer
Natalie
Mittens
Cap’n Grabass
Bark Maron
Sebastian From The Little Mermaid
Riggs
Blacko
Blackee
Karate [this was written in giant letters across the entire upper third of the page]
Otter
El DeBarge
2 Live Pooch
Monster
Scottie Pippen
Chester Copperpot
Conway Twitty
Bocephus
Peter DUNKlage
Good Time 69
Budgley Shumpster
Blerg
King Hippo
Dentures
Puddles
Mr. Wizard
Nick Jr.
Garbage Factory
Horse Glue
Admiral Dog
Might Be Racist
Frederick Doglass
Booker T. Puppington
Kris Kross
Booger
Wild Thing
[illegible: possibly “Edamame”?]
Slut Bunwalla
Recession Naps
George Lazenby
Mr. Plow
Mr. Cran-tastic
Humphrey
Tumblr
It has been figuratively forever. Literally weeks. Mumma needs some sugar.
But Topher Grace. Hnnnnggg.
Though, I get embarrassed to watch him in movies and tv shows because he is such an awesome dork. He puts this massive stupid grin on my face. A lot like another stupid awesome dork that I am in love with.
On the same note though: Topher Grace HHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG
My boy
BRITISH VERSION OF THIS:
1. BOIL THE KETTLE - IF YOU HAVE TO USE A STOVE OR MICROWAVE SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOUR HOUSE
2. USE ANY WATER IN EXISTENCE - FUCK FILTERING THAT SHIT YOU DON’T HAVE TIME TO MAKE A PROFILE YOUR SHOW IS BACK ON IN 5 MINUTES PRESS A
3. THROW WHATEVER THE HELL TEABAG YOU HAVE IN THERE - FUCK LOOSE TEA THAT IS FOR WHEN YOU ORDER TEA OUTSIDE
4. USE YOUR STIRRING TEABAG METHOD OF CHOICE, ADD SUGAR/SWEETENER LIKE A BOSS OR NOT IF YOU ARE A HEALTHY BOSS
5. GRUMBLE LIKE A FISHERMAN BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO LEAVE THE KETTLE AREA TO GO TO THE FRIDGE TO GET MILK AND BACK TO IT AGAIN AFTER YOU ADD IT
6. RUN BACK TO WHATEVER YOU WERE DOING, TAKE A COMFORT SIP AND THEN EITHER FINISH IT OR FORGET ABOUT IT AND MOAN ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU LET IT GO COLD
****
EDIT: IF YOU CAN’T SPOT IF NOT FROM THIS ALONE THEN THE NATURE OF MY TUMBLR THAT I’M NOT MAKING A DIG AT HER COMIC SIMPLY POINTING OUT HOW LAZY WE ARE OVER HERE WITH TEA THEN GET OFF THE INTERNET. THE COMIC COVERS ALL TEA OPTIONS. COME AT ME BRO.THE AUSTRALIAN VERSION
JUST GET THE BLOODY BILLY ON THE FIRE AND THROW IN A FISTFUL OF TEA FOR EACH BUGGER AFTER THE WATER BOILS
TAKE OFF FIRE
WAIT UNTIL IT REACHES DESIRED STRENGTH
CAPABLE OF SUPPORTING A SPOON STOOD UPRIGHT IN IT IS IDEAL
WHACK BILLY TO ENCOURAGE SINKING OF TEA LEAVES
POUR IT OUT
ADD AS MUCH MILK AND SUGAR AS YOU LIKE OR NOT AT ALL
VEGEMITE IS ACCEPTABLEDRINK IT DOWN WHILE RIDING OFF INTO THE OUTBACK ON YOUR BIG RED KANGAROO ON A SADDLE MADE OF DROPBEAR PELTS, WITH YOUR TRUSTY BRUMBY PACKING ALONG YOUR SWAG AND A DINGO BY YOUR SIDE
CHEERS MATE
CANADIAN VERSION
WHAT IS ENGLAND DOING?
OK NOW COPY THAT SHIT AND JUST CHANGE A FEW THINGS
NO PUSSY REAL “TEAWARE”, WE HAVE NORMAL COFFEE MUGS FOR THAT SHIT.
USE WHATEVER APPLIANCE YOU WANT TO HEAT THE DAMN WATER, YEAH WE SIGNED OUR FUCKING FREEDOM. NO ONE SAID IT WAS MANDATORY FOR KETTLES!
SIT LIKE A CLASSY MAN/WOMAN AND WAIT FOR IT TO BOIL
EAT SOME BACON
THROW A TEABAG IN THERE, LOOSE TEA IS FOR MY MONARCHIST AUNT.
DUMP SO MUCH SUGAR IN IT THAT YOU GET DIABETES AND SO MUCH MILK THAT YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE AND MILK THE COW, BETSY.
TAKE A SIP.
SCALD YOURSELF AND ALMOST DROP MUG, SPILLING IT DOWN THE FRONT OF YOUR BACK IN THE PROCESS.
REALIZE TEA ISN’T TOO MUCH OF YOUR THING AND GO BACK TO COFFEE.
AMERICAN VERSION
FIND A CUP(?) (ANY CLEAN, CUP-LIKE INSTRUMENT WILL WORK)
FILL IT WITH TAP WATER
ADD FIVE SPOONFULS OF INSTANT ICED TEA POWDER
STIR THAT SHIT SO HARD YOU SPILL SOME ON THE COUNTER, LET GO OF THE SPOON SO YOU CAN WATCH IT SPIN
DRINK IT AND CHOKE BECAUSE IT’S TOO SWEET
POUR SOME INTO THE SINK AND ADD WATER IN HOPES THAT IT WILL TASTE ACCEPTABLE
REPEAT UNTIL YOU GET IT RIGHT
ADD ICE CUBES AND A STRAW TO ENHANCE CLASSINESS
FINNISH VERSION
FUCK THE KETTLE, JUST TAKE THE PAIL FROM THE SAUNAIF THE WATER ISN’T BOILING, YOU’RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG
TOSS THE BIRCH VIHTA IN THE WATER AND LET IT SEEP FOR A WHILE
GET A BOTTLE OF VODKA
DRINK THE VODKA
FORGET THE “TEA” UNTIL IT COOLS DOWN
RINSE YOUR NAKED BODY WITH THE BIRCH TEA
GO ROLL IN THE SNOW AND SCREAM FOR YOUR ANCIENT GODS
NORWEGIAN VERSION
BOIL WATER IN ELECTRIC KETTLE
TAKE OUT INSTANT COFFEE
DRINK COFFEE
…WHAT DO YOU MEAN “TEA”?
SOUTHERN VERSION
GET A POT AND PUT SOME WATER AND A BUNCH OF TEA BAGS IN THAT SONOFABITCH
BOIL THAT SHIT
PUT THAT SHIT IN A PITCHER
ADD SUGAR
KEEP ADDING SUGAR
NO, YOU’RE NOT DONE YET
WHEN THE SUGAR HAS REACHED ITS SATURATION POINT AND IS NO LONGER ACTUALLY DISSOLVING IN BOILING WATER THEN YOU’RE DONE
(i am not making this up i know people who make it that way)
FILL THE REST OF THAT SHIT UP WITH WATER AND PUT THAT MOTHERFUCKER IN THE ICEBOX
ENJOY THAT SHIT WITH A NICE TASTY PLATE OF DEEP-FRIED THINGS
How To Make Tea. In multiple countries.
YOU’RE WELCOME, TUMBLR.
DANISH VERSION
GRAB BEER FROM FRIDGE BECAUSE IT’S GOING TO TAKE TOO LONG TO MAKE ANYTHING, AND YOU’RE THIRSTY NOW.
PRE-REVOLUTIONARY AMERICAN VERSION
SEE TEA IN BOXES ON BOAT
FUCK TAXES ON TEA, THAT’S BULLSHIT
PUT ON YOUR REALLY BAD AND PROBABLY OFFENSIVE NATIVE AMERICAN COSTUME BECAUSE IF IT’S NOT OFFENSIVE TO SOMEONE THEN IT’S NOT AMERICAN
THROW THAT TEA SHIT INTO THE BOSTON HARBOR UNDER THE COVER OF NIGHT EVEN THOUGH MOST PEOPLE STILL WANT TO DRINK IT DESPITE THE TAXES
BECAUSE FUCK YOU, THAT’S WHY
Defs gtrt.
Sometimes I do question the strength of some things.